64 Days Down.... 92 to Go, Arachnophobia Raises it's Ugly Head Again, Aaaarrrrgggh!!!!

Getting the bus to Gorna is an experience to say the least, the vehicle would be banned in any other civilised country but here it is public transport haha It is not comfortable is very hot & the ride is more than bumpy,

but..... It is very freeing for me, means that if I so wish I can get out of the village for 5 hours twice a week! I think I will make it a date for once a week if weather permits. I am not completely sure of the runs but Monday there is no direct bus to Gorna its an early morning thats 6am to Strazhitsa then a train to Gorna!!  Anyway I can get to Gorna on a Wednesday & Friday bus 1pm return bus leaves Gorna at 4.50pm It gives me 3 hours in town. Bonus two a week so now I feel like I have been given wings, sad I know but until you have been in my position you have no idea what it's like & this is like a get out of jail free card!
The journey takes an hour which is loads longer than by car but it goes to other little villages as well as stopping along the way. I love it though as I love Bulgaria & miss driving through the countryside I have missed the best of the Sunflower fields but this country is sooo green & lush so many different colours its gorgeous. The fauna is amazing too great to spot the differing flowers, tree's, shrubs & hedgerows I love it! Its reminiscent of England 50 yrs ago & I miss being out in it. Gorna is a nice town too, there are some really nice coffee shops & restaurants toilets leave a lot to be desired though! Its always my mission to find a great restaurant or coffee house with a decent toilet where I don't feel contaminated :-(
I can sort out my bills here go clothes shopping pay for my satelite package go round the market & enjoy exploring & finding new shops! I can even have my hair done woop!!!
I am looking forward to the next couple of months but only when it is not too hot!!!!!

So day 61 & I am freaking out!!!! I decided to strip the covers off the sofa & wash them I had washed the first half & was taking the top cover off the back. As I pulled it towards me I saw something sitting on the back, Oh My Goodness!!!!!!! Please believe me when I say this was some ugly scarey large spider, waaaaaahlllllllllllblah!!!!! Now I am phobic so this was not good, I am so scared i have been stuck against walls sobbing sweating heart pounding & unable to do anything to get rid of them. Now this was like a tarantula only not hairy like a huge bug with spider legs OMG I can feel it all over me still oooooohhhhhhhh!!!
I was soo scared & didn't know what I was going to do except stop the dogs seeing it incase they disturbed it & made it run. Obviously I had to do something so I got the hoover it took me ages to suck it up as I was scared it would get me :D I stood with the hoover on it for 15 mins & left the hoover on for 2 hours & it is now outside as I am too scared to empty it & have it in the house, I know pathetic but I think it will kill me so..... Now I see webs & arachnids everywhere feel them on me driving myself mad! I found a dead spider outside on the wall which was rather big & thick it is very sticky so not a nice specimen either. Oh flip!!!!

Oh the power of phobias! I haven't been feeling all that since the above it has sort of thrown me backwards. This phobia has always done this to me, makes me feel like I am 5 yrs old again very vulnerable.  I still haven't emptied the hoover & it still sits outside :-(
Today I am feeling I can't be arsed with anything at all! The only thing I have done is water the veggies & that was a real effort I really wanted to not bother but with no Tomatoes now & the possibility of no grapes I can't afford not to! I have made a decision today too, I am letting the tomatoes go no more trying to save them its a waste of time & money, a difficult decision to make but I think the right one. The tomatoes that are growing are brown or going brown & the vines are still dying from the bottom up. I am gutted as I was really looking forward to making copious amounts of tomato soup it's soooo delicious so I will buy the tomatoes & make it anyway. The peppers, chillies, pumpkins are doing well & I have pulled a few cucumbers cut 4 pumpkins & cut the lettuce as I want it. The Beans are few but I will learn for next year & the beets & carrots are coming along. Next year we are planting down in the paddock as the top half before the trees is in full sun from sun rise to sun set. I have already organised the first ploughing in autumn then again in spring so no more planting up the front here apart from I will plant the garlic in the front over winter. So lots of planning for next years vegetables & lots of melon next year as we lost our seedlings this year in the early heatwave! I am looking forward to it all its a big project to plan as I will have to decide what where & think of the following year too. Also I am going to have our fruit trees sorted too. Its all very exciting & daunting too!
Well nothing exciting here the last couple of days just trying not to sink below self doubt, loneliness & depression & I have been really missing my grandaughters Hope & Molly 5 & 4 years, this gets worse when I feel vulnerable!

My boy is expecting his first baby in November & this has also been playing on my mind when will I get to see my new grand child :-(

Living the life you want comes at a high price!!!!








Maya has settled in nicely, she has a great time with Sophie but her & Reg still have a little moan at each other on occasion, I think its jealousy now.

I have made a temporary neck brace out of a towel & elastoplast, bless her I think it helps. It is thought she has a condition called Wobblers syndrome. I am observing her as I have to fill in a questionnaire on her symptoms so she can have her homeopathic remedies prescribed for her, lets hope they help as she is a lovely lovely girl who deserves a good life!