31 Days Alone, Daniel, Grandbaby, Sophie & Weeds

What a week, Oh My Goodness!!!!!!
Firstly a very happy 28th birthday today to my son Daniel, I miss him so much.

Daniel & Katie have had the sexing scan this last week & we now know what sex the baby is but I must keep it a secret  as Colin, Katies dad wants it to be a surprise & doesn't know. I absolutely respect his decision & admire his restraint, I didn’t want to know the sex of my own babies but have wanted to know the sex of my grandchildren when it has been found out. So I know but will keep it to myself as far as the blog 7 internet goes till November when Grandbaby arrives. In the meantime best wishes & lots of love to Daniel today!!!!!

My beautiful Sophie has gone missing L Last saw her when I gave her dinner on Thursday. Sophie & Reggie have a little supper to go to bed with this tells them its time to settle down & she wasn’t there for her supper, even though I called her she didn’t come. I wasn’t too worried as she is known as Houdini but everyone knows her & loves her & she is never gone for more than 30 mins max.

In the morning I called her for breakfast & she didn’t come, then I was concerned as she has never missed breakfast or dinner her tummy tells the time for her!
I have walked & walked calling her name & I can’t find her. Sarah & John have driven round the village looking for her too. At least we can say she hasn’t been run over as she would have been found. My main concern is she has been beaten up or killed & hidden. I am hoping someone has her & pray she is not hurt or scared!! I am finding just typing this very hard it breaks my heart to think of her in pain or fear! Sophie has had a pain & fear filled short life. She is a rescue dog & was left to die at Christmas in an isolator in Sofia. The guys had left her alone locked up with no food or water in the freezing cold. She was a very lucky girl to be saved when she was. I can’t bear to think of her being scared all over again, she has come through a lot & kept a lovely temperament. She lost the sad look in her eyes & had trust. Sophie is sooo lovable even some of the locals love her, especially the kids in the neighbouring property who she goes to see. Poor Nigel she was really his baby he took her for really long walks & they had a really special bond L I am so sad he is not here he is stuck feeling useless unable to help her. That’s it I can’t write anymore I miss her terribly!
Day 31 on my own, Its getting better, there are now good days & bad days, but this has been a bad week although I am not focusing on me so it's different. My emotions are for Sophie, still lots of crying though which I could really do with being changed for laughter! I wish I was taller & stronger & 20 years younger then everything would be a breeze practically. It has been good spending time with people this week & speaking to my lovely husband on the phone as well as two phone conversations with my mum!
Had a Bulgarian/English lesson with Yovo which was good. great to see Yovo reading as he had double Cataracts & was unable to read or drive. I think it was the fact he couldn’t read that spurned him on to get the operations he needed, he is an avid student of the English language! Also caught up with sarah & John who live the otherside of my village. They came over when they heard about Sophie to see what they could do to help & it was a time of catching up on what we had all been up to. Great to just chat.

After losing the internet & the phone & having no communication on Wednesday I went to Gorna by bus with my friend Mary, real name Maria! Why do they do this they have a name but then they have an English version & we always get introduced by their English version???? I refuse to call Pavlinka Pauline or Yovo John! Unfortunately I was introduced to Mary & didn’t find out for a year that her real name was Maria, shame L Anyway it was great to get out of the village even if it did rain all day long & we were quite damp J. I managed to get the new & charger for lappy so was once again a very happy lady in the land of socialisation! Had a really nice time great to go have coffee & cake again haha.
Mary is quite worried about me, bless her, not just because I had no communication but trying to keep on top of the property when you have the dodgiest hands possible is getting away from me. Unfortunately I have carpal tunnel in both wrists arthritis in most fingers & now a wonderful trigger thumb which is completely useless, I think I have done really well but the amount of rain we have had means I am being swallowed up by weeds!!! My main job is keeping the veggies weeded I need to make sure they are not being strangled & they will get the moisture they will need in the dry weather to come.I am very excited about my pumpkins haha. i have pictures but everything has changed so much & I can't put up to date pics on as my camera has broken :(

I have dug up all the garlic now & have it all plaited & hung to dry also I have mint growing everywhere so I have pulled loads & cut some & have this hung to dry too alongside the garlic. I have also managed to get the chillies planted in between the rain & showers when the ground is not too muddy & have planted the carrots also more beetroot. I’m not sure the beetroot will come to much as I grew the others in pots first.

I am also keeping on top of the tomatoes which are already producing fruit & pinching out the side shoots which appear everyday, miss a day & my goodness!
 
 
I am pulling weeds every day & my hands are really suffering now! The pumpkins are doing really well & are growing like triffids at the moment it seems like every day they double in size or length, love it. I know loads of people here grow pumpkins but this is my first time & I grew them from seeds of the ones I cooked with last year! I am looking forward to making soup & scones with them, can’t wait!!!!
 

 
 
 
 
 
This Pumpkin is now 1000 times bigger but I have two others that I can see at this stage.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
It’s a lovely time of year in the garden with lots of butterfly’s, fire fly’s, frogs & tiny baby frogs. The many different bee’s are gathering pollen fertilising my fruits & vegetables, everything is growing at an alarming rate……. With some exceptions I don’t think my white runner beans are going to be much cop & the cucumber plant has a flower but, I don’t know, it just seems a bit small, we will see. I have greenery for the cauliflower & broccoli but again I’m not sure if they are going to come to anything. The beetroot leaves are looking good though. & the lettuce is good shame I don’t really like it, time to cut them & give them to friends.
 

I am looking out now for the damsons when they are ready I will be making Compote with them if there are loads then I will try jam one last time J The weather is all over the place at the moment. We have had lots of rain & storms but also sun & cloud so not all doom & gloom apart from the fact it makes the weeds grow like billy-oh I am being swallowed soon to disappear forever haha, no I’m not joking! It is time I employed a villager to scythe the paddock for me so I can get to all the fruit trees but I will have to wait till the threat of rain has passed before I can spray the weeds round the pool & through the drive. The rest is just pure hard work of pulling & digging them up.


Mary is coming to stay with me for two weeks, in two weeks. She is really looking forward to getting out in the garden. Mary grew up in my village but now lives in a flat in Gorna Oryhovitsa a large town 45 mins away, yet teaches English at my village school, mad hey!!! Mary comes to stay in my house when we go to uk on holiday, she looks after the house & animals & last summer she did lots of gardening while we were away too. She is a good friend! I am hoping the Damsons don’t ripen till she is here to help me :D

 
 
 
My cat Saskia is being really cute & when I was out looking for Sophie she came with me chatting away as we walked, bless her! Nikolai saw me leave the house & I had a cuddle as I hadn’t seen him for weeks. He is back in a terrible state his condition is bad but he is still going! He came with me & Sask in between Sask smacking him, she gets jealous :D
 
 
 
 
I miss being out & about in Bulgaria, it's a beautiful country with ever changing countryside. Soon there will be fields full of Sunflowers miles of them in every direction a wonderful sight to see. In my garden I have one hahaha not quite the same I am hoping Nigel will be back while they are still out but not at the wilting dying stage!
So what are my goals this week….. Keep looking for Sophie, get out the strimmer & strim what I can even if its just for aesthetics, sort pool water, weed tomatoes & Peppers, weed the vineyard. Lets see how I get on!!!

Blogging & My Emotional RANT

Well it’s been a while since my last blog & wow good & bad times, I am learning a lot about what happens to a person when completely alone I guess I go one of two ways, become totally cut off from reality & socially inept or all wusy & self examining oh make that three I also can go mad! Hmm maybe more haha!

I have been without world communication for 5 days. My kittens have taken a liking to chewing the netbook charger, I think they like the little electric shocks they get, & it finally gave up when it was attacked while I was sleeping. I didn’t realise what happened till the battery went flat L at the same time my mum had been trying to ring me for two weeks but I thought it was just the Bulgarian connection thing till I tried to ring her & couldn’t get a dialling tone, this on the same day :(  not a good day!!!! All I was left with was my mobile which is obviously a very expensive way to keep in touch even when just texting!!!
My goodness this has been a harrowing week of emotional tumult! its much more than missing my husband cause he's not there, I love him & to not be able to just chat rubbish or pride in what I have acheived or actually as the day goes on I keep thinking oh I must tell Nigel about this then I realise I can't, its more than that,  it's..... you know I can't even put it into words. For some reason this whole episode has raised rejection issues I thought were long ago sorted out & banished but I now think I will always have these in the background & will have times in my life where another little bit will be chipped away but its a bummer having it cropping up still when I'm 51 for goodness sake LOL
All I can say is I know who my friends here are & thank God for that as I am too old & have been through too much to have anyone in my life who doesn't want the best for me & for me to be happy.
So what follows is my rant for this blog, you know I have to just to clear my head :D.......
Skip down if your bored by my moaning....

I have managed to garner a great tan, been to the brink of a breakdown & find myself funny, which take it from me I’m not! Personally I think I am far too serious but then if the world was full of funny people, or people who think they are funny, we would be in a worse state than we are, or so I tell myself, lol. I would like to be less serious but for me it has come with age & having to fight my whole life for my right to be me! To be different from you, & trying to be accepted as the many faceted person I am the good the bad & the ugly,  the mental the hormonal & the sweet, the unconventional the conventional & the laid back, the obnoxious the over sensitive & the opinionated, the weird the ethnic & the bohemian!  Not your cup of tea fine just don’t put me down!!!! Who the hell made you God, he made me they way I am & I am grateful he gave me Nigel who totally gets me!!! What part of the human make up propels people to want to make people like me, emotional & caring aware of my inner feelings, feel weak, I am strong because I feel everything, every emotion there is which by rights makes me a more rounded person than those who are only strong cause they don’t get hurt or feel lost & by God they never get lonely! What a crock that is, if that’s true then they need more help than I ever will.

I do find people pee me off big time when they are all oh it’s only this & never mind as poor so & so that, shut up get a heart & try to see my heart hurts & in this world of social networking & blogging I have every right to voice my feelings which in turn helps me get to grips & also heal where old wounds have opened up! blogging for me is very cathartic, seeing my writen thoughts & feelings helps me to evaluate or re evaluate! Stop trying to drag me down & make me feel like I am worthless or pathetic!!!  Oh & the whole I am a nice person thing, well you won’t hear me say that as I have no idea if I am a nice person what I do know is I am a bloody good friend  but Nigel says my problem is I expect to be treated the same by those I befriend.

I have also learnt from experience the people who tell you they are nice are not!!!! I have also learnt …….. STOP!!!! Enough moaning lets get on with the blog :D

Actually I love the whole blog thing as I have always tried to keep a diary since I was a young girl, I say that cause I met my first husband when I was 16 so I know I was younger than that! Well the whole getting the diary out at the end of the day & thinking through just never worked for me even when I became a mum.
I had always dreamed of being a mum & I was soooo proud of my children! All my efforts just end up being to do’s pay bills doc appoints etc even my wedding was just a diary full of to do’s!!! So now I have discovered Blogging I have a record of my life & feelings With photos I can share with loved ones, new friends & strangers alike great!!! Have to say though most people in my life have not got to grips with becoming a follower YET!! I am working on it ha ha!

Day 19 on my own, Morrello Cherries,Pool catastrophe, Hot Humid & Gardening!

Day 19 of being on my own & I am OK!!!!

Mmmmm, I am typing this while sitting in the garden as it’s the first day in yonks we have had cloud so I am taking the opportunity of being in the cool breeze.


Its so humid that I am still not dry from my shower 2 hours ago! & my hair which was dried by hair dryer is wet again. Hence the cooling process by being out in the breeze & what a beautiful breeze it is. I think we are going to have a little thunder storm as the breeze is gaining momentum & the cloud is gathering, oh please we so need it!

The thermometer was off the top yesterday it reached the top 50c 122f & it could have been more, this was in the sun in the pool area.

The temps for the last week have been 116f with one day 118f then yesterday was stupid this is beginning of June not July/ August!!!! Oh don’t get me wrong I am not going to complain I love it but am not used to being flung straight into stupidly high heat, anyway I am English that’s what we do moan about the weather lol!

Thank goodness we have the plunge pool I have spent every day in it & on the Lillo its been wonderful to lie by it reading then just jump in & cool down Mmmmm!!! Then yesterday I was waiting for Anton to come & spray the Grape Vines, but didn’t arrive till 7pm! I decided after a couple of hours that I had to get changed into my swimming costume, my daily wardrobe is costume & sarong I only put clothes on if I go out, or I am expecting someone. I opened the gate to the sounds out rushing water & found the pump hose had split, the pool water was shooting out at an alarming rate L Water here is on a meter, Plus & very importantly the water temp had reached a beautiful 80f & now if I was able to fix the problem it would be a lot cooler L

As you can see the pool area is still under construction :D but will be surrounded with pebbles when Nigel comes back so will remind me of Bognor regis where I lived for so many years





I had no idea how to fix the problem so I hoisted the hose up over a chair to stop it gushing it was a slow dribble this enabled me to enjoy the pool for the day but I had lost about 2 “ of water. I spoke to Nigel in the evening but it was dark so I couldn’t do anything then & on checking found the hose gushing again where the hose had now split in 3 places ARGH….. I tied the hose to the chair & it now had a fast dribble but nothing else could be done. After talking with Nige I had a couple of choices & this morning I had a good look at the hose to see if I could just chop out the broken hose & re fit. Well no that wouldn’t work so I went to get the hose that was attached to the other pump but the jubilee clip needed a screwdriver to undo it. Before I went on the hunt I found an unopened bag which had three bungs in, Nigel kept asking if there was plugs by the pump inlet & outlet holes but there wasn’t. I took the bungs & tried to fit one in the hole, getting very wet J but My hands were too weak & the bung kept shooting off with water spurting out like a fountain. By this time I was too scared to move away to find something to help me get it on then had a brainwave, I broke the end off the hose the bit that fitted on the pool, forced the bung into it then jubilee cliped it together & so far all is well I am re filling the pool & hope it is sorted!!!!

In the time it took me to write that the clouds have parted & the sun is HOT!!!! So much for the cooling breeze!

Monday I actually got out of the village the first time in nearly three weeks! I was given a lift to Kaufland to get some shopping & pay the Mobil phone bill. It was nice to speak English & be understood, need that sometimes you know where you can just talk rubbish haha. it’s always a pleasure to go anywhere here as the scenery is beautiful & it’s a gorgeous country I have missed seeing & interacting with it L. So it was on with clothes for the first time in at least two weeks but no makeup its an impossibility in this heat & humidity. As soon as I got home it was back in the cosy & straight into the pool haha. I absolutely love & adore this life but its feels empty without Nigel, I miss him so much! It doesn’t seem right without his naked lounging & swimming by the pool last year, the best thing about being very private is that my husbands extroversions comes out more hehehe. Must be a stiff upper lip thing as a couple have just moved here & the husband was in his garden naked drinking his morning tea, see all quite normal!!!!


My poor dogs are suffering especially Reggie my Karakachan as he has such thick fur but I would not want to be the one to shave him ha. I put them down in the paddock under the trees where there is shade & breeze, Nigel used the brush cutter to make me a path & them a dog area but this is quickly growing so I will have to pay someone in the village to come & sythe it for me soon. Still ok for them as they have a quilt to lie on & a huge tub of water but it can be a bit dangerous for me as its sooo overgrown we have snakes living there & one crossed my path as I was taking them down. I am not scared of snakes & I did try & follow it but couldn’t get a handle on how long it was. It was black which is different to the other snake I saw there & I have no idea what they are just hope they are harmless but that’s why I need a pathway.

This is half the paddock this much again where the dogs go for respite & the apple, pear, damson trees are

A lot of weeding to do in the garden but difficult in this heat so I do a bit here & there & it mounts up eventually. So I am still doing the pumpkin patch but by the time I have watered all the veggies & pots, fed the dogs its time to put dinner on & chat to Nigel on FB so not much getting done at the moment. I have harvested the first kilo of Morrello cherries though. This is a fantastic tree the cherries are lovely & quite sweet as well as tart I actually ate some from the tree!!!! This tree does'nt get attacked by ants or bugs & the birds leave it alone, not sweet enough for them :)

I did jars of compote last year so thought this year I would make jam with the past two disasters under my belt from the sweet cherries I took extra time & researched even more to find out what I am doing wrong & find the perfect recipe for a tart cherry. Last night I painstakingly pitted & prepared my jam all to be very disappointed yet again. Oh this time I have jam but it is still a bit too thick for my taste, useable though! I don’t think I will bother again the rest of the tree will be Compote which I love, silly really I don’t eat jam but I wanted it for Nigel, sorry my Darling :(


Right I'm off to plunge in the pool, lets see how much cooler it is :( 

Day 13 Deep & Meaningful, Hot Hot Hot, Veggie plots & You gotta be kidding Jam!!!!

See our baby Awe!!!

Well day 13 of being on my own & I am feeling lonely even taken up my husbands habit of talking to myself, not good :(

I realised today that the tubs of marigolds I planted which have no flowers & got leggy are in fact tomato plants!!!! What a plonker, how I did that & havent realised is beyond me, I do worry about myself sometimes, well most times now it seems!!

If you don't like deep & meaningful belly button gazing then skip down past the following :)

The two weeks have not flown by & are getting lonlier BUT its all a learning thingy (trying not to use organisational words lol) as I have been thinking a lot, not much choice really, & its amazing that the things I receive most pleasure from here are empty without Nigel. You know the saying all the money in the world cannot make you happy, well all you who want want want money thinking this is exactly what it will do, WRONG! Without people who are in your heart life is empty. Now this may not be a lover, could be a family member or a very close friend, but without anyone to share with life & all its wonders is an empty life. I used to have too many people in my life & this too can be a bad thing, with no room for yourself, to think, to plan, to just be. So what would I prefer, hmmm, well I would prefer to be in poverty with my husband by my side here in our village home, BUT... We need money to pay bills & eat so we have to put up with this, short term hopefully. We will still be in poverty here in our little peasant village but we will have a driving job (this too will take him away but only 10 days at a time) a means to an extra income & renovation jobs coming in. To live here is all work work work but its all about the lifestyle!!! Nigel has had enough in Uk already apart from being with his children & granchildren which is a really lovely thing for him this is where he belongs & it is hard for him too. I am trying to sell houses but the economic situation is still not good for house sales. We though will not give up this is where we want to be & where we feel we belong.
So in all my thinking & talking to myself in my head (& quite frequently out loud) in all my moaning & upset I know without doubt this is where I want to be this is where I belong the problem is I am a human being who was created to be with other human beings that I love & that is what I am missing, not that I am a wimp but that I am an emotional person. Now this I think is good much rather that I care about people & animals, than only animals, but it has its down side I can be very harsh I will cut out the dead wood & I can explode at the drop of a hat if you use, threaten or are detrimental to me & mine!!!! I will fight to the death, be it a death of a relationship or life itself. I am a lioness & I protect those that I love & I will survive this, probably moan & cry my way through it though, but that is my perogative that is my personality!!!! I think I am stronger for being true to my feelings & being able to talk about them than running & hiding from the truth & pretending all is well. Thats when people get shocks!!!
I have survived soooo much more than this in the past, but, I had others around me who cared, this is my weakness being alone!

Right...... I think we are in the middle of a heatwave at the moment with temps well over 40c (100f) at 5pm!!
This in turn will give wonderful days in the pool, poor mans pool :D but worth a million pounds in this weather. I love it lying on the sun lounger reading then floating on the lilo with arms & legs trailing in the water wonderful & a brilliant way to get through the day knowing that here in Bulgaria we have at least 3 or 4 months of this ahead of us. It has come early this year as July & August are the really hot months with it reaching 50c last year, without that pool it would be really hard to survive. A lot of people spend the time inside as it is so much cooler, the houses are built exactly for this, but I am still in UK thinking mode & refuse to sit indoors or sleep the afternoon away when the sun is shining lol. I have different seating areas, an umberella & when our barn is renovated an outside living entertainment area which will give shade & fans for cooling off.

 

The garden has gone through many changes in the last two weeks, with the Orange lillies bursting into flower  then the Peoney's, which I wait all year for then in one week they have bloomed in all there wonderful glory only to die a quick death. now the White Lillies are starting to bloom & the smell is wonderful!! I am not sure if its the dogs cats ot the tortoise but one area of these Lillies have been flattened so I have a rather large vase full of them & get frequent wafts of their perfume Mmmm!

I was able to talk to my Mum & Nigel last weekend as Nigel spent four days with her in hastings, :) they did all the usual Lunch at Maggie's fish & chips down on the beach, carvery at a country pub & eat as much cantonese at cosmo sea front/town. they also went everyday on to the top of the cliffs & had icecream in the glorious sunshine looking over the old town & channel, Oooohh how I missed them then!!!
I love doing these things with my mum& they had a lovely time together. Nigel is a very good son in law, thanks darling xxx I get to speak to you again next weekend when you go again :)

The garden is proving to be a lot of hard work still, those bloody weeds have gone into a mental growth spurt when we had a big storm & then the temps went into overdrive which makes it hard work & the persperation (cause ladies don't sweat!) gets in my eyes then I cant see LOL.

So a little bit a day & we get somewhere albeit slowly. I am concerned about my tomatoes as I really use this crop alot in many different ways. The creaping invading weeds & chick weeds had taken over so I have managed to get this cleared & looking much better I also went through & pinched out the little side shoots & am delighted to find flowers on the plants so soon we will have our first crop of domats. The pumpkins are doing really well too, & that is my current job. A lot of the weeds in here are actually beautiful bushes of gorgeous flowers which open in the sun & close at night so its a bit harder as I am transfering the plants to different spots in the garden which will be flower filled all summer woop woop, its a big garden to fill with flowers so this is going to do a great job for years to come as it drops seeds & next  year I will have them again. So Pumpkins growing well with flower heads appearing But lots of work involved in clearing the patch. I am very excited about the Pumpkins :D My Garlic is nearing ready for pulling, I pulled two yesterday as they had been flattened by one of the animals & they smell mmmm quite strong I think but they are not quite ready yet a bit more dying down to do. The Peppers are doing well & Yovo says good pepper. Only lost 4 so far & I'm not sure that was the dogs as the tortoise sre also on the rampage.

I harvested the cherries and thought I would make Jam! People make out its easy! It sounds easy right? Well two batches later its NOT! First batch is so hard there is no way its coming out of the Jars The second batch was runny but tasted delicious!! I was going to use it for sauce for upside down pudding & over icecream Then my friend said I could save it by re boiling it. Hmmpfft I reboiled it to the right consistency great but I was distracted for a couple mins & BURNT it :( :( AAAAARRRGH The dogs had a feast & I will have another go with the Morrello's which are almost ready to harvest & lets face it you have to be a hardened Bulgarian to eat those fresh for me its compot or jam. Lets hope the jam works this time, if not upside down pudding it is!
Bad news for my peach tree though it is in Yovos words, is ill kaput!!! there is lots of fruit on the tree but it has hardened areas & the leaves are eaten etc, Can be saved though needs a bloody good prune & needs spraying so I live in hope that next year I will finally get lots of my very fav fruit!!! The tree by the pool has curled up leaves & form what I can see two peaches on it so again some work needs to go into that one too.